When I was a part of organized religion, the God presence was shown to me through the image of a man. This viewpoint always seemed one sided but back then, I accepted what books and elders said and did what I was told. Despite my programming, I couldn’t deny these amazing experiences I was having with a divine energetic presence who seemed to be whatever I needed at the time. Sometimes the energy was maternal, sometimes it was paternal, other times it was free of gender and simply meet the emotional need I craved. Like most of us who experience things outside of the norm, I was afraid to go against my ministerial training and talk about it publicly. Especially since what was beginning to happen in my life wasn’t written in any book or taught in organized religions. When I did get the courage to share it with others, they would either say that was Jesus coming to me in the way I could receive him or that it was a demon. I wasn’t satisfied with either of those responses. Especially since I knew about Christ Consciousness and how that energy evolved into the person of Christ through historical events.
Several years later, I joined a radical church where I started learning more about the spirit realm. I felt more comfortable here because at least these folks were seeing things and not focused on reading a holy book all of the time. I’d dissected this book inside out in my own studies and minister’s training and frankly, I found so many contradictions that I couldn’t take it anymore. At least here, the teaching was prophetic and focused on spiritual gifts. The pastors often preached straight from the spiritual realm and the messages were always so amazing. Nothing contrived from a book. They took what they read in the book and went to the next level of revelation. Logos became rhema and it was a beautiful sight to see. Here, it was acceptable to share that I saw angelic presences or the throne room I thought belonged to God. Unfortunately, the moment I went outside of that box, they were ready to start anointing me with oil and casting out the demons that were causing me to have these experiences. Then one day, my dreams started taking me to another level beyond our the church’s teachings. I began to literally leave my body and travel to places in my dreams. I now know this is astral travel. At first, it started out with flying in the sky when dreaming, then I figured out I could direct my travels and started projecting to wherever I wanted to go. I remember being able to navigate without GPS or a map on a trip I took to the Bay Area in California in my real life because I was so familiar with the land from my astral travels.
One day, I decided not to go to work, and to spend time meditating, journaling, and practicing yoga all day. I’d been doing this in secret for years because it wasn’t acceptable in the church setting. They believed that if you meditated, you would go into an altered state of mind that allows demons to enter. They also believed that yoga asanas (positions) were honoring other deities. While there is some truth to their concerns, I didn’t care anymore because what was happening to me was phenomenal and I wanted to go further. During this day full of meditation, journaling, and yoga, I felt a sense of peace I’d never felt before and decided I would continue this practice. When I made this decision, I knew nothing would be the same. I could no longer call myself a minister or an elder and continue to live my life in this realm outside of the Good Book. So, I stepped down from every position in the church. No longer Minister Sherrice. No longer Elder Sherrice. No longer a prophetic praise dancer. No longer a Bible Study Cell Group Leader. No longer a Women’s Ministry Leader. All the titles, responsibilities, and church experiences went out the window. A once dear friend of mine told me we were now on opposing teams and he’d pray for me. I’m still sickened by the audacity of that comment.
Eventually, we left the church altogether. I decided to change my name and call myself Safiyah Naemah so that I could not be recognized by my church members when I started writing and teaching about my experiences. That didn’t last too long because Sherrice is who I am and I wasn’t willing to give up my name to hide from my family, my old friends, the prayer warriors and church gossipers. So I went back to being Sherrice and just didn’t talk about my spiritual practices with anyone who belonged to a church.
As the years went on, I went deeper into my practices and had a strong focus on womb healing. I learned how to communicate with MY ancestors, THE ancestors, and the ascended masters. I was fortunate enough to visit the places where I’ve lived in past lives in both the spiritual and natural realms. These experiences helped me understand my fears, desires, and purpose. I played with tarot cards, oracle cards, crystals, and all kinds of things that light workers do. While I enjoyed these experiences, I didn’t want to be a part of the New Age Movement because everything they were promoting was not new. It came from our indigenous ancestors. I had a strong focus on metaphysical and spiritual practices and my work with herbs even went to the next level. Then I started learning about duality and what people might call dark magic and learned to create my own rituals and practices. That’s when I started seeing real results and changes in my life that went beyond things you can see in the physical realm.
While working on a client’s health history, I figured out we were related. We started talking about our families and sure enough, we have cousins in common. She shared her spiritual experiences with me and made me feel much better about my own. One day, out of the blue, she sent me an inbox message on Facebook and encouraged me to start sharing my experiences with the world. That same month, I heard from so many people who saw posts of my experiences on social media but were afraid to connect with me because while they were having similar experiences, they weren’t ready to come out to their families and friends just yet.
Then something miraculous occurred in my life. I met Mama. Not my birth Mama, but the birth mama of all that was, all that is, and all that will be. What I understood is that Mama was Mama to me because she was reflecting my image. She might be Daddy to someone else but to me, she’s Mama. She wasn’t any particular gender, race or ethnicity either but she knew everything about them all. That let me know she was all things to all people and would become whatever they needed to connect in the spiritual realm. This made it easy for me not to argue with others about what I believed. I also won’t continue to hide behind the shadows, either.
When I met Mama, I couldn’t see her, of course, but I could feel her maternal, loving presence. For the first time ever, I felt a level of love and compassion I couldn’t explain. She held me tenderly while I cried. I know it’s strange that an energy or a presence can hold you. While it was happening, I was in awe, not sure how it was happening, and not trying to figure out. Yes, I was experiencing contrasting emotions all at the same time. I started sharing my perspective of love with anyone who would listen. I didn’t care who they were or what they believed, I knew we all wanted to be loved.
Over time, I started developing a relationship with Mama. It was the relationship I’d tried to develop with Jesus when I was in church yet could never quite get there. As Mama held me, I felt as if she were a tree. Then I realized I was a tree because she was a tree and I was her expressed image. Saying all that to say, we were the same same tree. I was a part of her tree yet I was my own tree. It was such a beautiful experience. I felt the pain of all my lives I poured out buckets of tears. As I cried, she didn’t wipe away my tears, she cried with me. Then, she showed me how our tears were watering our roots. She literally enveloped me in her presence and loved me even more. When the love was deeper than the initial love I experienced with her, I was shocked! This experience brought to life what I’ve learned for years about love. I always knew that love can go deeper and deeper and that love cannot be contained. I also knew that love was God. So this is the crazy part. Mama is what we call God. Some might say Mama is Goddess. I say Mama is the most high. She told me she didn’t need a title or a gender. She was whatever I needed at that moment. Call her whatever you want because language only confounds the true essence of who she really is. She told me she gave me every single thing I needed to fulfill my purpose on earth and that makes me a Goddess, too. Mama wanted me to know that all of the answers were within, I just needed to not be afraid to go there.
We have a hard time fathoming the idea that we are divine because it seems like we’re giving ourselves a super power that we don’t deserve because we have been taught that we’re unworthy. While I do believe there is only one source, I believe that source empowered all her creations with divinity. It’s not what we’ve been taught in our churches, temples, and synagogues. It’s much more esoteric than that. I believe these teachings can help us yet at some point, you have to go on your own to experience it for yourself. Our indigenous cultures understood this and that’s why they had coming of age ceremonies with sacred plants and fungi to help their young people access the God within. They prepared their children for these experiences from the time they were born. We prepare our children to be productive citizens not esoteric spiritual beings and that’s the real reason we’re in such a programmed state of mind today. There are people who are paid and revered to keep us programmed and they don’t even realize it because they too are programmed.
Now that I’ve met Mama and experienced love and compassion like never before, I can’t keep holding it inside just to please those folks who want me to be something I’m not. I was all of those things because I didn’t know the most high for myself so I followed their pattern. It served me well at the time and I thank everyone who contributed to my spiritual growth. As of today, I’m cutting the cord and publicly pursuing my own path. I’ve been doing it, just hiding in the shadows. Now, thanks to Mama, I’m coming out!